The next day, when Johnny gets to school, his best friend runs up to him on the playground and says to Johnny, "I forgot to find out what a penis is! What's a penis!" Johnny tells him, "Come on."
So they both go into the boys room and Johnny pulls down his pants. He points down and says, "There, if that was a little smaller, it would be a perfect penis!"
Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home
from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically,
"Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!"
His father says, "Calm down son! Why do
you think Mommy's dying?"
"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons
and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!
A few weeks later, the mom is having another
talk with little Johnny.
"How are you doing with that problem we
talked about, dear?" she asks.
Little Johnny cheerfully replies, "Great!
So far, I've saved nearly a quart!"
Johnny disappears for about four hours and
returns later in the afternoon.
"Did you learn anything interesting today?",
his mother asks.
"I learned how to hang a door", Johnny replies.
Mom says, "That's great!
How do you do that?". "Well, first
you get the son of bitch. Then, you slap the piece of shit up there
but it's too fucking small. So you shave a cunt hair off here and
a cunt hair off there and put the goddamn
thing up."
Johnny's mom is floored by his language.
"You go to your room and wait until your father gets home!!".
Later, Johnny's dad goes into his room and says, "I understand you got in a little trouble today." "All I did was tell Mom how to hang a door."
"Why don't you tell me", Dad asks?
"Well, first you get the son of bitch. Then you slap the piece of shit
up there but it's too fucking small. So you shave a cunt hair off
here and a cunt hair off there and put the
goddamn thing up."
Dad screams, "That's it young man. You go get a switch from the back yard."
Johnny looks at his dad and says, "Fuck you, that's the electricians job!"